Tsk! That Crystal Renn, eh? What an enormous, jiggling elephant of a woman. It can't be easy to look like a water balloon full of porridge - a human simulcrum carved from 'orrible lard, if you prefer - while remaining in the public eye, but a plus-size woman's gotta do what a plus-size woman's gotta do. It's her duty, after all; ever since her ascent to fame in the past year or so, Miss Renn has agreed to represent women of a certain size unconditionally, for better or for worse, until the end of time, Amen. It's in her contract somewhere. It might even be in the Bible.

But wait! Hold onto your fascinators, flabby fashion types, because TRR has discovered that Crystal Renn has committed treason against all of your outsized asses, by apparently dropping from the equivalent of a gargantuan UK size sixteen to a miniscule, barely visible UK size 12, and appearing even smaller in the latest issue of Harpers Bazaar. Yeah, you heard.

Two.

Entire.

Dress sizes.

I know what you're thinking. We're all thinking it. How could she let us down in such a way, possibly by going to the gym slightly more, eating a little differently or - quelle horreur - by fluctuating in weight like a normal, human woman? "It's unthinkable that a model should be the equivalent of a UK size twelve and still be expected to represent real women. There are categorically no size twelve women anywhere on the globe - science tells us unequivocally that all women are either desirably stick thin, or, as is the case with anyone over a size sixteen, are only capable of washing themselves with a rag on a stick," absolutely no-one was quoted as saying.

There is, of course, the possibility that Crystal Renn's extreme total body overhaul (is this even really her? It's impossible to tell! We don't know who to trust anymore! etc.) might be down to a few small tweaks on Photoshop, we admit, but come on, reader. This is fashion. If we decided not to make a huge, judgemental and heavily politicised deal about every small change in the bodies of those people who we alternately revere as untouchables, and dangle the sword of Damocles over, we'd be out of a job.

Wouldn't we?

Posted on November 18, 2010 at 7:21:34 by Philippa Snow