Jesus Christ what is it with these ceremony’s that brings out the Zzzz and the LOLZ in equal measures? Last year, the crème of the Golden Globes get-up’s was upstaged by the haemorrhaging of the heavens (oh how we wept over poor Precious’ rain splattered dress) but really, this year, the safe, bland predictability of the gowns boggles our freaking minds. Do women take backhanders or certain role assurance from Harvey Weinstein just to wear Georgian Chapman’s utterly dreary Marchesa? Any woman under 30 wearing Oscar de la Renta needs a smack upside the head with some Christopher Kane shit pronto and seriously: abundant Vera Wang? Copious Jenny Packham? Memo to y’all: this ain’t a wedding reception.

Sigh. Even our usual ne’er do-wrong Michelle Williams failed us in a Valentino gown fashioned from your nan’s daisy-print kitchen curtains circa ‘64. Natalie Portman hid her bump under a sugary confection of a Viktor and Rolf column dress, that one from Glee that really needs a nosejob looked like she was bleeding blancmange from her right thigh courtesy of a sickly OdlR mess and honestly, what in the holy hell made Catherine Zeta Jones roll up a goddamn Astroturf court to fashion her hideous Monique Lhuillier gown?

All was not lost however. January Jones looked S M O K I N G in a slashed, crimson Versace number, Anne Hathaway shimmered in a nicely sculpted Armani Privee gown and Helena Bonham Carter looked her usual dragged-through-a-jumble-sale-backwards amazingness in Vivienne Westwood.

The Menz? Well we’re scratching our heads over how much Ted Baker greased greasy host Ricky Gervais’ palm with to wear their threads as no one has worn them since, err, well. Best dressed homme? Well considering we’d still hit James Franco dressed as a woman in his Terry Richardson shoot, his Gucci attire left us pretty weak-at-the-knees and damp-in-the-pants.

Posted on January 17, 2011 at 7:38:01 by The Real Runway