So we're lazy fucks here and can't be arsed to cobble together who our 'Best Dressed of 2010' were. In lieu of said list here's a little something we posted one year ago today, which, given our signature misanthropic agenda, absolutely bears repeating. The fact that not one of the categories we highlight has changed in terms of how these lazy lists are cobbled together, illustrates just how predictable and banal they are. Here's to 2011!!

Lists are now so omnipresent, they’ve become redundant; meaningless. Once upon a time Vanity Fair’s Best Dressed List was the only one that mattered (and who can forget the late Richard Blackwell’s Worst Dressed List?) and was always so, well, refined, respected and considered. These days they’re so cynical and hackneyed you can break down the anatomy of their uninspired make-up thanks to the sloppy brain-dead sheep like journo’s who comprise them.

So it’s with great (dis)pleasure we present to you, The Real Runways guide on “How To Make Up A Supposed Best Dressed List Despite Being Unimaginative And Fundamentally WRONG”

1) The Actress With No Discernible Style Whatsoever Yet Was In One Big Movie And Has Had Designers Chuck Clothes At Them, So That, By Default, Must Mean They’re Stylish… Right?

See: Frida Pinto, Emma Watson
Proof that an iota of talent and class doth not a style icon make. Sure they’re pretty and maybe even a bit intelligent too, but really, c’mon are they breaking any boundaries here? Or just lapping up what’s thrown their way? Front row seats included. Test: Just ask yourself, have you ever seen them photographed off the red carpet? Then describe one outfit they’ve ever worn…

2) Models Who Just Because They Are Flavour Of The Month Must Mean They Dress Amazingly Too

See: Miranda Kerr, Lily Donaldson, Georgia May Jagger
Take note: Agy does NOT count. She does, like it or not, have style. The others above? Meh. Like any other long-limbed girl on the street except on a higher budget. Average, average, average and utterly forgettable.

3) The Token Reality TV Star To Prove We’re, Like, Totally Not Snobbish

See: Cheryl Cole, Dannii Minogue
Throwing a special side-eye to Tatler for their, hoho, ‘subversive’ appointment of chav princess, Cheyl Cole as their 2009 style queen bee. The paradox with Cole is that despite loathing her and detesting her existence on said lists (TV/airwaves/magazines/ad infinitum) we actually adored some of the pieces she wore, however simply being the over-groomed, fake polished-turd that she is, killed any meaning and authenticity. We mean, compare her in the David Koma dress to the runway image - like, way to kill a look girlfriend.

4) The Identikit, Anodyne, Fauxcialite/Aristo From A US TV Import

See: Leighton Meester, Olivia Palermo, Blake Lively

Did we miss something? WE JUST DON’T GET THEM! Grown women of 30+ who work on magazines salivate over these, essentially glossy yet dreary middle-of-the-road, charisma-vacuums who dress as unimaginatively as one another that we're honestly unable to tell them apart. There is nothing remotely stylish (read: unique, interesting, characterful) in fact they are the epitome of a style-void since the get-ups they employ appear no different to any other teen, just acutely more expensive. They have the combined charm of my toenail and everything about them screams, “I’m an overgroomed, bland, socialite”. Gah.

5) The Perrenial Safe Bet

See: Mossy, SJP, Angelina Jolie

Whether their presence illustrates their enduring importance or is more a case of, ‘err, shit, we’ve still got numbers to make up’ page filler, you can always rely on these aging fillys to kill some white space.

6) The Token Fatty

See: Beth Ditto

Nuff sed. But the irony is, while Beth does actually kick all the scrawny gal’s asses into next week in the style stakes (which is why she graces the article’s illustration) it’s disheartening her presence is there for the novelty factor.

7) The Politico Supremo

See: Sarah Brown, Michelle Obama, Sam Cam, Carla Bruni Sarkozy

Like, when did we ever give a fuck what the first ladies wore? Oh, when ex model Ms Bruni married the French pres. Ever since, the others thought, ‘shit we gotta step it up a gear now’ and the rest is, well, Sarah Brown buddying it up with Naomi Campbell at Glastonbury.

(Original publication date: Jan 5th 2010)

Posted on January 05, 2011 at 7:24:54 by The Real Runway