Happy New Year TRR readers! After an extended seasonal hiatus we're back and bitchy n' bile spewing as ever. And what better way to ring in 2011 with a good old rant??

We've never liked Posh; a woman so vacuous and insecure, to fly in comfortable, appropriate attire is as unendurable as shoehorning your bunioned feet into insane stilettoes - wait, she does that too??? Every normal-life journey a vital photo-opp, every restaurant-departure a catwalk to prove to us Just How Stylish And Attention Worthy She Is. Well considering Vogue have slapped her visage on their new cover (in a shot that thanks to the soft focus and woolly threads, resembles a 1980's knitting pattern cover) it seems they A) either approve or B) welcome the inevitable circulation boost her FUG mug will bring. Our bets are on the latter.

Anyhoo, thus far her so-so, pretty meh clothing line has only been remotely tolerable thanks to its heavily plagiari- we mean, inspired designs from Osman, Roland Mouret et al. But frankly her newly launched handbag collection, oh my, has all the design finesse and elegance of a leather cardboard box: for that is what they resemble. Beige leather rectangles. With handles.

Whilst we balked at her recent nomination for Designer Of The Year at the recent British Fashion Awards, the alarmingly misguided kudos obviously fuelled her delusions of grandeur as she's just come out with this clanger of a slogan:

“Your Beckham can replace your Birkin.”

Hear that ladies? Sod your beautiful, soon-to-be-inherited-from-granny, antiquated heirloom Birkin - it's all about Beckham’s Beige Box! Love, because you own a tastelessly obscene amount of Birkins it doth not mean you can peddle your ‘versions’ to a grossly hoodwinked public. She really is that erroneous. Not convinced she really does consider does consider Hermes, Chanel and Dior her peers? Her Victoria Bag sells from £2,300 to £18,000 for a crocodile version. Ye gods!

What is so painful in this sorry tale of vulgar design deception is that the bags have sold out. We despair, we really do. Conversely, for all the stick Posh gets for not personally designing her goods, considering the offensively bland nature of these retarded receptacles, for once, we can actually believe they’re something she drew.

Posted on January 04, 2011 at 9:26:22 by The Real Runway