You'll have to excuse the terrible pun, but we're just not ourselves right now; we had a terrible scare when we read a tweet from Vogue.co.uk yesterday announcing that Karl Lagerfeld had canceled his show in Paris, and we've been swooning ever since. The very thought of Uncle Karl throwing in the workaholic towel and - if we may regress to our schooldays for a minute - 'skiving off' seemed as unthinkable as, say, Peaches Geldof appearing articulate, or Julien Macdonald designing a demure woolen two-piece.

Thankfully, this stern, teutonic cloud has a silvery, CC-embossed lining, as Lagerfeld has announced he'll be using the time he's saved by binning the show on developing a new ready-to-wear line, set to go on sale in time for A/W 2011. "I wanted this for a long time," the be-ponytailed maverick told WWD, probably while organising his extensive iPod collection. "I prefer to work in another way. I can't compete with Chanel. I don't want to be the poor child of myself."

The slightly jarring image of the venerable Karl being anything approaching either 'poor' or a 'child' aside, this sounds like it can only be good news, especially given his assertion that "it will be something affordable for lots of people." We're loathe to pay a premium for our pre-stiffened collars.

For one weekend a year, there are actually stylish people in Essex. We're talking Offset Festival here folks. Just a few months back TRR deemed Lovebox the first festival of fashion, however after hitting-up Offset over the weekend we're reeling that title back in.

All of East London's cool kidz decamped to the bowels of Hainult Forest with style and imagination that, thank Christ, goes beyond the yawnsome fuckwits that think Hunter wellie's and a pair of Wayfarers maketh a good festival look.

Lennon-esque round sunnies were prolific, as were shredded hosiery, tons of underwear-as-outerwear, studded leather and fur. If there was one defining item it was the cloak - as seen on all of Chrome Hoof.

Style Icon of the weekend hands down goes to the fabulously neanderthal singer from Monotonix (all of whom played out in the crowd) who bashed his drum like a primitive caveman that'd gone wild in M&S boxers department.

(Images courtey of Louise Roberts, Andrew Kendall, Giles Smith, Kristina Mordokhovitch)

Us femmes all know that aside from getting our tittays measured, there's nothing worse than shoehorning our asses into multiple pairs of jeans in order to find a pair that don't inflict a muffin-top or buttock gaping. So to solve this eternal denim dilemma Levi's have conducted a seriously hardcore study: the biggest piece of global ‘fit’ research in recent history to listen to the jeans-related angst of 60,000 women.

The results of which are their magnificent new Curve ID jeans. Featuring three revolutionary cuts, Slight, Demi and Bold, they will skim your lovely lady contours and flatter you in all the right places.

A quick non-naked, non-intrusive measuring with a Levi's Curve Consultant then a simple calculation will arm you with your perfect fit. TRR got fitted last week and trust, it ain't painful - denim has never felt more bespoke and personal. Don't go with any preconceived notions of what fit you'll be; despite being convinced our ample derriere would be a Bold it was in fact a Demi. Oh Levi's you are awesome.

With a mindblowing fourteen(!) washes and three leg cuts (skinny, straight and bootcut) this denim experience is more Savile Row than than off-the-peg department store.

Levi's Curve ID are now available in Levi's stores nationwide.

www.levi.com/women

So TRR swung past a department store yesterday and swooned a whole freakin' lot at the visage of French actor Gaspard Ulliel staring down at us in the new ad campaign for Chanel's latest men's fragrance Bleu de Chanel.

As a huge fan of Chanel's male scents (hell, we'd be all over a tramp in Allure Homme Sport) and an even huger fan of Monsieur Ulliel, we almost came in our pants upon hearing there was also a short Martin Scorsese directed film accompanying the ad campaign.

"I was surprised to see they'd got this huge director for this commerical!" gushed Gaspard. Us too, babes, us too. So after promptly hitting up Chanel's YouTube channel (wonder if Unkle K moderates the comments himself?) a repeated three viewings AND checking out the 'making of' vid (it's about freedom and doing the unexpected. Apparently.) we're left kinda, well, 'meh'.

Look, we love Lanvin as much as the next fashion freak - the expert cuts, the sumptuous fabrics, the tiny, bald-headed bowtie'd designer - but we're not entirely sure that this is a match made in heaven. After the announcement that H&M's next designer collaboration would be with dear Alber Elbaz's label, fashionistas all over the internet were wetting their Agent Provocateur knickers in anticipation. 'Finally!', came the general consensus 'We'll be able to afford exotic, jewel-toned couture gowns at a price-point normally reserved for a cheap jersey maxidress! There's no way that this isn't viable and we're getting excited over nothing!'

Alas, poor fashion fanatics; ye poor, innocent, hopeful masses. Do you not remember Karl Lagerfeld's collection for H&M but a few short years ago? Purchase anything from it, did you? How's that holding up lately? And did it really look anything like, well, anything you'd seen on a Chanel runway at any point in the label's history, ever? We're being cruel to be kind, you understand. It's what we do.

Our final verdict, then? We'll reserve judgement until the preview images come out later this month. Until then, we refuse to believe that Lanvin and viscose are anything other than the original odd-couple.